A Little On Me
This is my first official blog post. For the next thirty days, I plan to blog about whatever bubbles to the surface of my consciousness. A quick synopsis on the person behind these words, as I feel compelled to share a bit of myself before engaging in this writing process.
When not contemplating the meaning of life and its complexity, I’m probably searching for more ways to connect with the world. This writing venture is merely the culmination of many attempts at expressing myself.
Suppose we could teleport to my childhood. You would most likely find me at the doorstep of my parent’s humble military townhouse. Alongside my mother and her trusty cup of hot coffee on a chilly Seattle morning, we were gazing upon our sole Yoshino Cherry tree speaking on the mystery of our existence and how we got here. It was not uncommon for me to engage in this sort of inquiry. A special thanks to the film Meet The Robinsons for inspiring the whirlwind of existential dread that beset my childhood. I could not fathom the idea of seeing my future self and being ashamed that he was not living up to his potential. While I assume most kids my age were mindlessly enjoying their existence; I was reflectively watching the days of my youth pass. Unbeknown to my old self, I’ve come to enjoy and embrace my peculiarities.
Let’s jump forward a couple of years. I’m in Memphis, TN. I was an overgrown hipster out of Seattle and entirely out of my element. As a military brat moving was not uncommon; neither was my parents' intermittent absence, because duty calls. This was a momentous time for integrating portions of myself, or so I thought… I’ll forego the banal description of the high school experience for the sake of originality. However, I’ll accentuate the time frame because I entered HS alongside the social media giant known as Instagram. It was a paradigm shift in my mind’s attention because it demanded I mold myself to the expectations of others while excluding who I was at my core. Despite the typical trappings of the teenage mind and social media, I found clarity in a small disregarded creative writing class, and maybe a lot of Kid Cudi/ Mac Miller. I found comfort in a Psychology class that swayed my teenage angst and captivated my analytical mind. I thought of myself as a budding psychologist and a future philosopher.
My transition to college was followed by the inherent belief that ONE DAY I was to become a motivational speaker alongside the greats of Les Brown and Tony Robbins. Unsurprisingly, I was quickly greeted by the reality of my naivete. Becoming a Psychologist was still at the forefront of my mind. At college, I expected that I would meet an abundance of people that would reciprocate my hunger for deep and meaningful conversation. In retrospect, it is of no surprise that I’ve come to realize that one of my best friends/mentors in college was an extraordinary clinical psychologist who walked with me in pursuit of meaning. I didn’t necessarily fit within the constraints of the college mentality, but I learned to embrace those around despite the over looming angst I carried with me. Thanks to many supportive friends, I eventually started a podcast in hopes of cultivating depth. If you are curious, it was called Brain Dipping and can be found on Spotify.
Post-Grad, I ventured to Philadelphia with a burning desire to make something of myself. I relinquished the safety net of home and embraced this new city as the turning point of my life. It was here I would test all my theories of life! Fortunately, the city had an abundance of humble pie on standby. Not what I wanted, but exactly what I needed. I was a Behavioral Health Technician by day and a food runner by night. Working with my kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder opened up my heart in ways I could never have imagined. Although the work was not for me… the lessons they taught me will stay with me for a lifetime.
I’m still growing. I’m still searching — cheers to even having the ability to share these words with you.
“To feel abandoned is to deny the intimacy of your surroundings.”- David Whyte.
